That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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