My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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