I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
