hotel room ftw
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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