My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
