My Higher Power is John Stamos
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
