i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
