got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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