my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
