Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
