You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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