I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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