Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize