i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
