I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
