I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
