I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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