I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
