wakey wakey hands off snakey
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
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