i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
