Whod you bang
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
