i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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