I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
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