apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Randomize
