i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
