Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
