i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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