Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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