forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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