This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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