I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I think a kid would responsible me up
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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