exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
He had one of those small greek statue penises
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Randomize