Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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