I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
