jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
