we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
