No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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