I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
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