As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
