Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
