Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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