Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
