shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
