Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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