LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
