Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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