im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
