yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
