i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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