i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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