Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
