these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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