drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize