considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
