also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
