before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
