Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
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