jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
