i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
