If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
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