a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
