I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Success! We fucked roommates!
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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