i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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