All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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